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I Moved Back in With My Parents and Made a Very Troubling Discovery About Their Relationship I Think My Wife and I Might Be Part of the Sex Recession My Boyfriend Makes Me Do a Weird Ritual Before Sex I’m Afraid the People I’m Into Can’t Give Me the Sex Life I Want But having the ability to write your own relationship rules means retaining the ability to rewrite them. I’m inferring that you’ve actually talked about these off-limits breaches after the fact, and that’s important-checking in, communicating, showing your partner where you are falling short are all part of the process. Sometimes those slip-ups are detrimental, but when slip-ups actually turn out to have little lasting impact on the relationship, they can show you that you’re stronger than you think and that your rules actually can withstand some loosening.
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It’s important to set and honor boundaries, yes, but it’s also important to be forgiving and understand that no one’s perfect. However, more important than the transgressions is the recovery from them: Did these acts create lasting damage in the form of trust issues? Have they altered you or your partner’s understanding of the relationship? If not, then they’re actually no big deal. If one thing caused more pain than the other, that’s “worse” according to my rule of deferring to the most sensitive person in the relationship. If he doesn’t, he’ll be telling you a lot about who he is.įrom the outside, neither of these things strikes me as worse than the other, and I’m not even sure how one makes that call objectively. If he’s truly compassionate, which is to say a partner worth holding onto, he’ll get it. If the brother does end up coming out, and brings along with him the truth of your tryst, just hope that your boyfriend understands that you did your best in a tough situation and that you were trying to be respectful by withholding information. You mean too little to him to wield such a power, and the responsible thing to do is stay out of it and let things happen as they do. Your unit with your boyfriend is important, but this is family stuff and beyond you-as far as the brother was concerned, you were just a trick. Some people are really against outing, though “outing” may not be the right word here (are you actually certain the brother identifies as gay or otherwise queer, for that matter?). Keep in mind that if you reveal this information, your boyfriend could get offended on the principle that you released sensitive information about a loved one of his.